Parts

You know when something is so good or you just love something so much it almost makes you cry? Like it hurts to know something can be so great? You wanna bottle it up and drink it, or just jump inside of it, or attach it to your body like an extra part? I feel that for way too many things.

Better than sex

I've come to terms with the fact that I am obsessed with music. All of it, every kind. Although there are 3 or 4 bands that are in constant competition with eachother in my heart. They are as follows: Nine Inch Nails, Pantera, Tool, Type O Negative. Honestly they all measure up to me as completely mind blowing and soul seducing.
There were a couple of phases in life I went through that were dark and cold and empty. Not so much who I was or where I was or anything around me, But more or less like a complete feeling of total loss. Like I had lost myself and my will to give a shit. When you get older, you start to find yourself becoming more of a cynic, throwing around phrases like "Been there, done that" or "What happened to the good old days?". You look around at your following generation like they are these clueless little lemmings that only have the bread crumbs of your generation to follow. You always take yourself more serious as a kid, but the emotions you feel THEN will always stay real with you.
Back to my black hole of despair. Well, how can I put it? Nine Inch Nails is like that good pain you feel when you bite your lip or scratch an itch really hard. Trent Reznor finds his way into the part of your brain and soul that you have been taught to ignore and massages it. He talks about things that are so deep you could feel it in your toes. PURE regret and bitterness, hate and self loathing, loneliness and fear. NOT emotions I recommend people to feel on a constant basis, but in the grand scheme of things you are bound to come across them at SOME point in the spectrum of human emotion, and I find it is best to come face to face with them. ANYWAY he also writes about being drunk with love and pretty much an endless list of nuances in life. This is the type of music I listen to when I need that feeling of justice, justice for all my scary wretched feelings, and when Trent articulates raw feeling, stripped down with nothin to hide, it is better than sex.
Pantera is a whole other ball game. JUST as godlike they convey a much different emotion to me. More of a rise above and just balls to the wall live life vibe. When Dimebag wrote a solo, it was like I knew what he was trying to say. Like his notes spoke words... not even words but complete stories, gripping your heart. Same as Phil, the grit and waver in his soulful voice to the graphic depictions of his world were so awakening, like someone throwing cold water in your face, or a fistful of metal haha had to add that metalhead joke in there somewhere.
As for Tool and Type O Negative well... I'm gonna save that for another blog. There's just too much to say about music. It's the most infinite thing and can be anything you want it to be. I moved on from highschool and emotional teenage battles, but the music I listened to then is like a stamp on my heart. Almost like a reminder how to feel... incase I ever forget.

We Salute You

I used to love heavy music, I mean I still do. It's like there's this antique piece of paper that's been around for so long and some jerk went to kinkos and made thousands of copies of it and passed it around like herpes, and now nobody cares about that old piece of paper that started it all, they only care about the fresh new copies. I know its weird that I am comparing heavy music to paper but when I hear the fresh new copies its like just that... a fresh piece of paper thats blank and flat and doesn't have any crinkles or tears or marks to show its life.

Brooklyn

Right now I'm watching Radio Days. One of my favorite movies based around a Jewish family living in New York. A Few others are Brighton Beach Memoirs and Lost In Yonkers. I hold these types of movies close to my heart. Being a Jew from NY myself the potato latkes and blunt humor are things I can't imagine growing up without.
I lived in Brighton Beach from the ages of 3 to 7 and I remember everything about it. How packed the beach got in the summer, the boardwalk, coney island, the ponchiks that my mom bought for me out of some hole in the wall, my playground, and all the old jewish ladies that sat outside my building on lawn chairs and talked to everyone who passed by.
I've been craving a ponchik for almost 17 years. Listen to Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Sleep.