Rest In Peace

2 nights ago I went searching for him. Didn't know his number, I searched his name, and his screen names and found little information leading to where he could be or what he could be doing. I don't know why I searched for him. I thought about all the pranks we pulled on each other and all the teasing and I thought about that time we talked when he seemed like he needed somebody. I thought about how he might be today and maybe we could catch up. I don't know how he felt about me I know we weren't always on good terms but I never thought of it as serious. I just thought thats how he was. I searched for him. I had him on my mind. Today someone told me he died last night. My heart hurts and all I can hope is that he has peace. I'm sorry.

Space Time Continuum

I had this acid trip one time with 4 of my friends and it's kinda difficult to explain but I'll try. So we all eat our tabs and about a half hour in reallygo into space. So we roam around my apartment listening to music, staring at things, laughing hysterically, etc. you get my point. Then it seemed like every hour or so we would migrate back to my bedroom and assume the exact same positions we started in. About the 3rd or 4th time we assumed our positions I started to have this crazy feeling that whatever happened prior to our stance, never really happened... how could all that craziness have just happened if we are right back to this? Did we even move at all, or was all that just some vivid dream I was having?

OK so I started saying it... "Are we back to this"? It had become the theme of our trip.

Moving on, I wanted to explain what all that exactly made me think. So I am in a place... and now I am not... what changed? my positioning? or time? I guess I didn't pay attention in Science because I was coming to this giant revelation that I may have just stumbled upon a ground breaking theory little did I know.... I was just on drugs.

C Student Hero

When I was about 11 or 12 I taped this stand up comic on "Comedy Central Presents" who went by the name of Janeane Garofalo. I was enthralled by her fierce wit. I can almost recap in my mind the very moment... myself in front of the TV, mouth open all like woooooaaaahhhh. The indentical distaste in things between her and I was mind boggling. Wisdom, insight yadda yadda yadda BUT... MOST of all, the blunt honesty. She wasn't afraid to express any real opinions she had and at the same time had a natural talent to be funny. I felt like she was talking to me, me as a 12 year old little girl, directing me, showing me what was false and handing me little nuggets of truth in this engaging comedic way. I love her. Her intellect is far beyond someone you would just refer to as a "comedian" OR "comedienne' if you wanna be politically correct. She refers to herself as "a straight C student" which is something I identify with on such a frighteningly close level but, at the same time I see her as such an intellectual. So bright, like beaming with personality and vision. I don't exactly pride myself on a lot of things but, I will say that I think of myself as somewhat of an intellect, I have a brain, I use it on occasion, I don't fill it with nonsense, so yea Janeane, if you're out there somewhere reading this, I love you, thank you, you are high up on my short list of people I call heroes, and I pride myself on calling you someone I look up to ;)

Kurt Cobain

So the other day out of the blue I decide to give myself a little blast to the past and put on some old Nirvana, I had an itch for "About A Girl". After I scratched my itch I started jonesing for more, so I pretty much spent the passed couple of days on a Nirvana kick. This morning (since we all know what a grunge freak I am) I searched the word "grunge" on youtube and come across a "grunge" documentary and heard a choir of angels sing because, well, people discussing an era of music I am quite obsessed with at the moment, just tickles me pink..... wow. OK Anyway I'm watching this documentary and not that it hasn't occured to me before because it's pretty obvious, but I was kind of realizing even more so, how fuckin cool Kurt Cobain was. And whatever, the world calls him a tortured soul or a junkie or whateverthefuck, but he was such a unique individual ironically brought up like any other not so privledged kid in a somewhat broken home in a somewhat abusive environment, but came out this iconic legend. So some kid from some town that went to some highschool who used to cut class smoke pot, smoke cigarettes, listen to music and vandalize public property, became an almost godlike entity to people... I mean, how often does THAT happen? Well you gotta respect that.
What's funny is that when all this musical greatness was occuring I was only 9! and while I may sound naive for saying this, kids today are young, kids in my generation were exposed to so much more heart and thought and depth etc. you get my point. Well just compare Soundgarden and Alice in Chains to Britney Spears and T.I. So my point being... even at 9 years old I understood how big the loss of Kurt Cobain actually was.
Funny thing is the whole entire reasoning for this blog was because during my Nirvana kick, did I not ONCE realize that it was the anniversary of his death on April 5th in which his body was found on the 8th. So my kick starts on the 5th and today being the 8th I was driving home listening to the radio when I hear the radio guy say "If Kurt Cobain he was alive today he would be 42, he died at 27" and BAM it hits me! How did I forget? Or better question, how did I get my Nirvana jones out of the BLUE on these specific days? Well Kurt I didn't forget you, how could I? I'm glad u gave me a kick in the butt to remember the music you left behind for us, and I don't want to imagine a life without it. Rest in Peace.

in metaphors

Metaphorically speaking, I speak in metaphors
while walking along the sapphire dusty shore
I was lead by a porpoise who called himself War
To a dark empty space behind a steel door
Where I found a raven who said "nevermore"
And flew me back home passed wreckage and gore
Safely let off on a boat with an oar
Which I paddled to a world I could discover and explore
But rhythmically speaking, I speak in a rhyme
And wander two cities that fail to keep time.

Dead Like ME

This show came out in 2003. I'll never forget because that was the first year I ever had "on demand" and Amy and I would sit on my couch for stoned as hell and watch every episode in a row. I loved it then but for some ridiculous and illogical reason the show was cancelled. I just finished both seasons on dvd and even more now than ever can I say that George Lass is a TV character more similar to myself than if I had cloned my dna in a scientific laboratory.

Each individual character is like this complete fucked up head case which makes it so great and just THAT much more easy to relate to them. I relate to George the most because she is like the all typical, cynical, loudmouth bitch who always seems to offend people with her controversial blunder, but still feels all alone and doesn't quite fit into "team player" situations. I'm not exactly saying I possess all these traits but way back when, when I was wee little hatchling coming out of my shell into my teenhood... well that was me to a T. I had a mouth like a truck driver and a chip on my shoulder.

I always wanted to relate more to Angela Chase from My So Called life because I am so smitten with her character, the introspective wallflower. But I suppose that's most teenagers. 2 shows that just had very realistic teenage perspective. Dead Like Me however had a point of view that wasn't very tangible for the living. It was more of an "undead" thing, but I'm sure if I was undead I'd totally be George.

KoRn

I'm watching Who Then Now right now. I used to watch this like everyday when I was a teenager. I was always a sucker for home band videos. I know a lot of people think Korn fell off and they pretty much did to me, but I still love their old stuff, so much. Nothin else like it.

Life's a lot of bitches

Yes, they are all over the place. Some you can see and some hiding behind the curtains, but be sure there's probably one very close to you right now! They come in all different shapes and sizes. Whiny bitches, fake bitches, routy bitches, drunk bitches, evil bitches, slutty bitches, selfish bitches, jealous bitches, wannabe bitches... But don't think just because you have an extra appendage you're not included in any of these categories. You are JUST as likely as any woman to fall into SOME bitch category. They are easy to spot if you take a good look. Maybe at your job, one of your close friends, a family member, a peer... they are not hard to find. I personally don't like bitches. We all have a small "bitch" stashed away in us, but for the most part we keep her in check. Watch out for those bitches with the evil eye. Those are the ones that just wanna let their inner bitch out of her cage, those bitches just wanna get us down. FUCK 'EM.

how could someone die young if they never ran through sunflowers?

A Real Nailbiter

I am on a quest... to see every piece of film Alfred Hitchcock was involved with. So far I can 86 The Man Who Knew Too Much, North by Northwest, The Birds, Dial M for Murder, Rear Window and Psycho off the list. AHH the suspense is killing me! no actually its far more entertaining than your factory movie mush these days. The Hollywood factory has only been pumping out carbon copied remakes like Nadya Suleman is pumping out babies. Money hungry vampires I tell you. GUESS WHAT remember my blog like a minute ago when I told you I saw the Friday The 13th remake... well I saw a commercial today for the remake of Last House on the Left. Yup they went there. Wes Cravern's first movie. Most of that movie was way too original to even ATTEMPT at replicating ie. THE MUSIC... c'mon the music is hilarious, 70's sitcom music, and you KNOW Hollywood is gonna try and make it all serious. Does anyone hold anything sacred anymore??? Leave the originals alone people!!!

Cheese Monkey and Pants Weevil

Cheese Monkey says: Like, dude, I'm the Cheese Monkey talking to you. Who am I? Well, I'm an ugly monkey, not that it's my fault. My Mom is a macaque monkey and my Dad is a prominent Republican and my Mom said not to put his name on my website. She says that she and Dad were indiscrete in their youth. Anyway, here is Mom: I won't even try to tell you what she's doing in this picture. Like, I'm supposed to tell you about myself, so let's see. I'm 14 years old and my best friend is this guy named Pants Weevil who lives in my pants. I used to try and catch him because it bugged me having him in my pants, but he said that's what primates are for and I should be proud to be an ecosystem. Like, whatever that means. School really sucks. Mom won't let me take the bus to school because she's afraid I'll get the wrong kind of lice off the seats, so she always drives me and it's really embarrassing. When we pull into the parking lot, she lets me off in front of the school and she always calls, "Now, Cheese, honey, you be careful at school. Say no to drugs, stay away from gangs, and play nicely with your little friends!" And she has a really loud voice. I think every kid in the school can hear her. And it doesn't help that she's such a little monkey. Today Mr. Happy (that's my dick) got a stiffie in math class when I went up to the board to solve a problem. And when I walked past Brockleigh Eagleblende, Pants Weevil hid next to Mr. Happy and said, "Hey, baby!" like it was my dick talking. Now everyone thinks I have a talking dick. I'll squish that dude yet if I can catch him. Brockleigh Eagleblende is, like, the bomb. She has huge knockers. When she walks into a room, you see only her boobs for the first minute and then the rest of Brockleigh walks in. I love her, but she hates me. She's really popular and I'm not, and she likes this guy who is the type who sends in his picture to Am I Hot or Not and gets rated a 10. If I can sneak a photo of Brockleigh I'll put it here so you can see what I mean about her tits. Although if she finds out I put her picture on my website she'll hate me even more, heh, heh.
Pants Weevil says: My name is Pants Weevil, because I am a pants weevil. And that's weevil, not weasel. I get really pissed off when someone calls me a pants weasel. That's something else altogether. When I get pissed off, I bite, so watch it, okay? Monkey boy said I was his best friend which is really funny because he's always trying to squish me. But one thing about us parasites: if you have parasites you're never alone in the world. And if you're a parasite yourself, you're never alone in the world, either. Of course, that's a mixed blessing. When your lifelong companion is Monkey boy, being alone might be a more attractive option. I never met my Mom. She laid her eggs on Monkey boy and then disappeared. Maybe his Mom ate her. My siblings have wandered off to more attractive hosts, but Monkey boy suits me okay. He's lots of fun, actually. Like, it's fun to crawl into his ear and whisper stuff to him. Like, "Is it still there?" Whenever I do that, he feels his crotch. It's an old joke with us pants weevils.

Where's Mrs. Voorhees?

They've already tried to remake Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and now Friday the 13th. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake trailed off but somewhat acceptable, Halloween completely went off track, and as for seeing Friday the 13th ON Friday the 13th which will probably never happen again in my life I was not impressed, I was saddened actually. It was terrible, cheesed to the max and the death scenes were about as short as the actors careers. No Mrs. Voorhees and Jason runs after his victims. Jason never had to run before. I guess I just have to accept the fact that horror sucks now. Worse than ever it is predictible, corny and the idea of a "bloodbath" now has apparently turned into a bloodtrickle.

Our Town

"I can't go on. It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed. Take me back — up the hill — to my grave. But first: Wait! One more look. Good-by, Good-by, world. Good-by Grover's Corners...Mama and Papa. Good-by to clocks ticking...and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths...and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. ...Do human beings ever realize life while they live it? — Every, every minute? ...I'm ready to go back...I should have listened to you. That's all human beings are! Just blind people."

-Emily Webb

Blade Runner

just listen

Grunge

Grunge/Seattle Sound/Alternative Rock whatever you wanna call it. Music of my generation. The soundtrack to my teen angst couldn't have been fitted better than if it were Cinderella's shoe. Quite possibly my favorite genre of music. You could say I'm stuck in the 90's, but seriously who wouldn't want to be? An eclectic mix of the 80's, metal, punk, and rock n roll. We had it all in the 90's, we had music written for the sake of writing music, we had originality, unkempt people who didn't buy their jeans pre-shredded, people writing thought prevoking music that didn't involve cliche, sugar coated heartbreak. Bands like Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Faith No More, Live, Liz Phair also punk rock like Green Day or Experimental rock like Radiohead or even funk rock like Red Hot Chili Peppers, music of the 90's was just unparalleled. I'm just way too bored with today's music. Who knew John Bender was ten years ahead in fashion?

Total Protonic Reversal

"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."

Congratulations, give yourself a pat on the back if you know where that quote is from because you are officially cool. If however you do not, you were probably living under a rock in the 80's or too busy watching Care Bears. Anyway that quote was used in a song called "Your Mood Is a Frenchman" by the "electronica/grindcore" band Ghostbuster. That should be a dead giveaway. I've listened to their other songs they have on their myspace and it was mostly over computerized grind with high bitch screaming and peppered in heavy parts, not enough to hold your attention the way Bill Murray's quick charismatic humor might. But that one song I mentioned before is hypnotizing and if only this band had decided to take it in that direction completely they'd be the next Kraftwerk or Crystal Method


So I'm sure there are tons of you video game nerds out there with a new found obsession for music of the World War II era. After playing Fallout 3 you'll definitely be deep into the swing of things if you get my drift. Fallout 3 takes place in a post-apocalyptic, retro-futurist United States in the year 2277 which is one of the best ideas for a video game this century I think, well aside from Moonwalker and Donkey Kong of course. Your character grew up in "Vault 101" with their father who mysteriously up and leaves to venture out into the wasteland. Pretty much your mission is to find him, kill radiated savages and help the people who still live in the vault and haven't been subjected to contamination or radiation. But here's the part I love... you're character has a radio station on his wrist watch run by a radio dj named Three Dog and all he plays is music from the World War II era. The Andrew Sisters, Billie Holiday, Bob Crosby & the Bobcats, Cole Porter and so on. I was turned on to this music when I was very little by what my grandma used to sing and obviously I don't have to stress how OG I am because this is known. I advise you noobs to check out the Fallout 3 soundtrack because there is something so joyfully eerie about it.